Friday, April 16, 2010

Lust Rescued Me!

I think I just found out what blasphemy against the Holy Spirit looks like. It’s called missionary dating! If this doesn’t qualify as out-and-out blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, nothing does! This idiocy so boggles my mind, I almost can’t believe it’s for real. Alas, it is for real. It turns out that hot girls can use their narcissism to win hot guys to Christ. I guess they believe that ugly people are doomed to Hell.

Lest you begin to panic and get the crazy idea that this is evil and unbiblical, missionary daters have answers to you questions and 10 helpful tips for hot girls who want to use their sensuality to win hot guys to Christ.

Here is their advice:
1. If he tells your that you are hot...
Tell him God made you hot.
2. If he wants to hold your hand...
Give him a Bible.
3. If he tries to get closer...
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
4. If he asks to pay for dinner...
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
5. If he reaches his arm around you...
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could "lay hands" on him in prayer)
6. If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you're not ready to "speak in tongues")
7. If he asks to come inside...
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
8. If he tells you he loves you...
Tell him that Jesus loves him.
9. If he gets angry that you won't put out...
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."
10. After you dump him...
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.

You think I’m making this stuff up. I’m not! Apparently, there are people stupid enough to believe this garbage. Here’s the proof: Trust me, you don’t want to look at the items in the website’s shop.

These gals don’t seem to be bothered by the deception involved here. The hot missionaries deceptively enter relationships with guys they intend to dump: either when they guy gets too carnal (!!!!) or gets saved (!!!!) They evidently aren’t concerned about the inherent stupidity the idea of luring men into the Kingdom by means of lust. In my father’s words, “Someone needs to be horse-whooped!”

A pox on anyone who advocates this blasphemy!


  1. Some time when all my housework is done and the kids are in bed, I'll have to check that site to see if it's satire. Judging from your tone, I'm guessing it's not.

    Seriously, have you ever heard of the cult "Children of God" run by David Berg? Came out of the 70's. Anyway, this sounds eerily like their practice of "Flirty Fishing". Google it. Sick, sick stuff takes place in the Name of Christ.

  2. Hi Andy,

    I just checked out that site. This is (really stupid) satire. There's no way that's for real.

    By the way, I read your series on mysticism. Really good. I wish I had read all that stuff BEFORE getting involved with the charismatic movement some years back, but God led me out of it. Well done in exposing the errors underlying it.


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